"If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away." -Matthew 5:30
Adults love to use the phrase “you are who you surround yourself with” when advising younger people and even children to choose their friends wisely. There is truth behind this phrase and it continues to be some of the greatest advice we can give one another. This advice has taken on a new meaning for me in a world where we periodically spend even more time with virtual humans than real-life physical beings. And that is not to say that people in photos and videos are not real people, but they are not physically present with us.
What if “the people we surround ourselves with” is not just referring to friends, peers, coworkers, roommates, and the people we spend our time with, but it encompasses, too, the people in the media we consume every day? Have you ever noticed yourself adopting qualities of your favorite character on the show you’ve been binge watching? Maybe your sarcasm gets a bit sharper, or you start using a phrase known to that character? This isn’t just me, right?
A few years ago, I realized that watching scary movies or shows made it harder for me to fall asleep. They heightened my anxiety, and I had a hard time stopping my brain from replaying spooky scenes. This was true for crime shows, podcasts, and books with intense plots, gore, or freaky twists. It was clear to me that if I stopped putting that junk into my brain, I wouldn’t think about it as much.
This change worked for me. My paranoia lessened significantly, and I experienced less anxiety about getting kidnapped, mugged, murdered, war breaking out… you know, things I worried about because I saw them in a movie or read them in a book.
It wasn’t until a year or so later that I also applied this idea to other content. When I moved to Kansas City in August of 2022, I didn’t know very many people and had more free time than I knew what to do with. I spent many Saturdays lost in a book, watching rom-com after rom-com, and scrolling through social media. This was the year of Colleen Hoover books and I was reading romance novel upon romance novel to fill the emptiness I felt from being single.
I found myself really struggling with lustful thoughts and strong temptations that were difficult to rid myself of. I felt myself falling into the same patterns of sin and that became very discouraging. Why couldn’t I get a grip on my thoughts? It wasn’t until I was finally honest with myself and accepted the fact that watching shows like Bridgerton, as much as I loved it, and reading books like Verity were completely hindering my pursuit of holiness.
"If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away." -Matthew 5:30
While I was far from feeling convicted to cut off my dominant hand, there were definitive things I could cut out of my life that were leading me towards sin. Of the three main types of media, including books, movies, and social media, that I was consuming regularly, the smutty novels were the first to go. It was easy to hide behind the pages of a book and to feel like I wasn’t doing anything wrong because I wasn’t watching anything and those were characters not humans. I think a lot of women read these books not even realizing it plants similar seeds as pornography. I took a long pause from reading because I simply didn’t know how to judge whether a book would be “clean”, and I didn’t know what else I would take interest in reading.
I also made a decision to avoid R-rated and MA movies. Overall, I just steer clear of them, but there are a few exceptions. I have found that I personally don’t have the stomach for gore and violence, so if a movie is rated R for that reason, I don’t have an interest in watching it anyway. A movie being rated R for violence only doesn’t exactly make it an exception unless I am outvoted by everyone else watching the movie. And anyway, if I am watching a movie with someone else WATCHING SEX SCENES IS SO AWKWARD. Maybe I am immature, but it will never not be awkward for me. So, best to avoid.
Social media has been an entirely different beast when it comes to “surrounding myself” with good content. I initially went through and unfollowed quite a few accounts. Not that I was really following anyone crazy or inappropriate, but there is always room to clean. My need for a social media cleanse was dramatized as I started navigating a relationship. I found myself getting anxious after seeing 7 videos in a row of women saying “if he doesn’t do this, he’s not your husband” or “if he doesn’t want to marry you within 2 months he will never marry you” and all of those silly videos we women love to indulge in.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
I caught myself in negative thought patterns, comparing myself to others’ perceptions of a “healthy” or “perfect” relationship. I found myself comparing my boyfriend’s expression of love to the passionate romance in the movies or the 30-second reels of couples on Instagram. I was comparing my relationship to staged snapshots of romance. I felt worried that he didn’t love me because he wasn’t constantly confessing his love to me or dancing with me in the kitchen. I felt insecure about the path of prudence we had chosen because “well, if he was actually attracted to me, wouldn’t he be constantly touching me like the couple in that movie?” I was comparing our lives to secular, fictional characters and random Joe Schmoes on Instagram who are in no way practicing the same level of prudence and chastity that we were and are pursuing.
This realization caused me to take a long break from Instagram. I have found so much peace in filtering my consumption of media. My experience with being more selective with books, movies, shows, and social media has been so fruitful. I found a love for historical fiction books and have made it a goal to continue to find smut-free books. I have experienced significantly less temptation and lustful thought patterns since I have quit filling my mind with stories and images of romance, sex, violence, and even foul language.
Since setting these boundaries for myself, I have found great relief from the thoughts these forms of media have put into my mind. When I do fail and make a poor decision on a book, movie or spend too much time in the rabbit hole of social media, I take great care to repent and reflect inward on how it affected me. As I got back into reading, I discovered the goodness of audiobooks. I listen anywhere from one to three a week. For me this provides a bit more accountability because, for some reason, if I unknowingly hit a saucy scene while listening to my book at work, it is much easier to “OPE” fast forward or pick a different book.
I have found a love for historical fiction, which is often cleaner and still has those sweet and fun romantic elements that I love. Some of my favorites have been Salt to the Sea, The Great Alone, What the River Knows, and the Brightwood Code. I now have a long list of Katie approved books and I would love to hear any and all recommendations of your favorite books.
I truly think this method of cleansing can be applied to many areas of life. Maybe for you it’s video games, or YouTube videos, or even the dance classes you are participating in. Maybe it is entirely different and not lust or comparison based at all. My goal is not to shame anyone for their media consumption but to share my experience and call to light the fact that the content we consume has a huge impact on our behavior and virtue. I invite you to reflect on the shows, movies, books, podcasts, music, and social media you entertain with daily. Is it fruitful? Does it affect the way you view yourself, God, and others negatively? Is it causing you to sin? Is it planting seeds of impurity and destruction in your heart?
Lord, there are so many obstacles in our world full of convenience and instant gratification. Let us remain aware of the habits and behaviors that are leading us away from your sacred heart. Shed light on those obstacles that might be furthering the distance between us and grant me the strength to remove them from my own path. Grant me the desire for a pure heart and the strength to pursue it above all else.
I thought the idea of “cleaning” or cleansing our consumption to be very interesting. I started thinking about how our rooms at home can get messy, not from us dumping garbage everywhere, but small lacks of discipline to put that coat away, or to pick up that one sock, or pick up that wrapper that missed the garbage can if I threw it. So if we arnt careful about the small bits of media we consume on ex: Instagram, then eventually our minds will need a deep cleansing.
I also think we can clean our minds with bad stuff, such as you wouldn’t wash your counter top with car oil, you’d would probably use a Clorox.
Anyways, first blog I’ve fully read and it was very engaging and well written!
This set my heart on fire and is so relatable. I definitely feel my heart has been more cleansed and purified not watching certain shows or reading certain books, or even following certain people on social media. I also love Kristen Hannah books!