“And the one who was seated on the throne said, ‘See, I am making all things new.’” – Revelation 21:5
I saw a trend on Instagram the other day about grabbing coffee with your younger self. Right now it is February 2025. I would be wearing leggings and an oversized sweatshirt, order a black cold brew with cold foam, and pay with a smile for my younger self with a card from a joint bank account I share with my husband, my best friend in the whole world. My February 2020 self would also be wearing leggings and a sweatshirt, order a decaf sugar-free vanilla latte, and would likely have a red and puffy face from crying earlier since she just had her heart broken.
There are so many things I wish I could tell my younger self after that break up, to save about a year’s worth of heartbreak, scrolling through old texts, looking back at old pictures, and slightly holding out hope that I would get back together with my ex. But, maybe I was meant to feel it all- to see what true love does not look like to have a better understanding of what it should look like.
We’re going to call this ex-boyfriend Reginald because I find that hilarious. Reginald and I started off as friends. We got really close my first semester of sophomore year and I confided in him things I had been unable to confide in anyone before. I even got Reginald to start going to Mass every week and would go with him.
I was swept away in a blacked-out confession of Reginald’s feelings for me that he could not remember the next day, but I thought was beyond romantic. Shows you how much I valued myself back then! Reginald was unclear with how he felt about me after that, and I remember feeling so confused, questioning if he liked me and why he would say those things. It took me coming to him with all of this, unsure of how he felt, for us to even decide to start dating.
I was nervous to date Reginald because I knew we had different pasts and views when it came to physical intimacy. I actually remember having a dream that he broke up with me because I didn’t have sex with him. I was thankful for his patience, though, and with him going to Mass with me I was hoping he would have a change of heart in purity.
A few weeks into dating, Reginald brought me home from a party. He stayed a while longer, and he ended up making a move that led me to making a physical boundary. I wasn’t upset that he didn’t ask first, but felt self-conscious that I had to make the boundary. He left quickly after, and hardly talked to me the next day. The day after, he broke up with me, saying he was not “emotionally invested” in our relationship anymore, or something like that.
Honestly, I remember being so proud of myself for taking Abby Lee Miller’s advice of “Save your tears for the pillow” so he didn’t have to see me cry. I was partially in shock too, questioning what I could have done to have him not be emotionally invested anymore, someone who I trusted with so much like never before. It was really that lyric from “Someone You Loved” by Louis Capaldi that I felt like summed up that relationship, both the friendship and dating: “I let my guard down, and then you pulled the rug.” When homeboy pulled the rug, I tripped and fell and had a very hard time getting up.
‘But, maybe I was meant to feel it all- to see what true love does not look like to have a better understanding of what it should look like.”
That breakup was pretty interesting timing with COVID shut-downs being a few weeks later. I was left alone with my thoughts to replay old memories over and over, think of scenarios of how we could get back together, think of all the things I’d do differently- because I saw myself as the problem. I was pretty blinded by our friendship and how much Reginald meant to me, how much I trusted him, to see that it was not my fault. I took a lot more Louis Capaldi, tears with my mom, and yelling at God to then recognize that’s not the relationship I was worthy of… not the relationship that God, as a Loving Father, desired for me to stay in, not a relationship that reflected Christ’s sacrificial love.
I remember being back at school about a year later after months of heartbreak and seeing Reginald with his new girlfriend (not the girl at the party, a different girl). There was part of me that wished I was her, but what happened next I can only explain to be from the Holy Spirit, like a true Advocate. I walked back to my apartment, feeling confident that I had cried my last tears over this man, and was ready to finally close the last page of that book, with the opening of a different book- The Bible.
I wasn’t really looking for any passages in particular, and to be completely honest, I don’t remember what exact Scripture verses I opened to that day (I want to say it was something from Romans?). All I know is that these words from Scripture allowed me to recognize my belovedness, as God’s daughter, His crown of creation that He holds with such devotion in the palm of His hands- that the husband God has in store for me is going to reveal and reflect God’s love for me, a sacrificial love as Christ loves His Bride, His Church.
I know many people say that relationships often come when you stop looking for them. But the same Holy Spirit that nudged me to walk home and open my Bible that night was the same Holy Spirit that led me to feel called into a new relationship. This excited me, but I wasn’t really sure where to go from there- I think I had lost a lot of trust that there would be a good Catholic man out there for me that would respect my physical boundaries and uphold my purity (that was also insanely attractive and athletic, shared my sense of humor and love for sports, taller than me, will sing with me in the car, etc.)
I ended up asking one of the Campus Ministers, let’s call her Connie, to grab coffee to talk about how the Holy Spirit had been working to try and make sense of it all. I told her there aren’t any men in Campus Ministry I’d be interested in, except for Tom of course (literally known as “Hot Tom”), but that obviously was only but a dream.
This kid was the freaking cream of the crop. Tom and I met our freshman year as we lived a floor apart in our dorm, and also were volunteer Mass Coordinators at the 8:30 pm Mass on Sundays. I even wrote in my journal during those first few weeks of school that I had a crush on Tom, but quickly realized that every other girl on my floor did too.
Tom and I were now fellow Lead Mass Coordinators and had been meeting every other week on Zoom, which would soon change to being in-person as COVID restrictions were lessening. When I told Connie about Tom, I even said it jokingly, as I knew many other girls that had their eyes on Tom.
“Well, duh!” Connie exclaimed as I brought him up. “Everyone in Campus Ministry knows you two are supposed to be together.”
“Wait, are you joking?!”
“We all thought you two should date your freshman year. The only thing that got in the way was that Tom had a girlfriend.” Connie said, sipping her coffee with a smile.
I honestly had never thought I’d have a chance with Tom, and didn’t want to get my hopes up about anything. As Connie and I continued to talk, she mentioned praying the Novena to St. Anne. St. Anne is the patron saint of unmarried women, housewives, women in labor or who want to be pregnant, grandmothers, mothers and educators. I will be honest, I didn’t realize this was the “Novena to Find a Husband,” but I prayed the novena with an open mind, trusting once more in the Holy Spirit.
The last day of the novena happened to be a day where I had a Mass Coordinator meeting, in person, with Tom. We were wearing masks, and all I could see were his beautiful blue eyes, and I knew I had to ask him out. I didn’t really see a window of opportunity during the meeting, so when I got home, I prayed to St. Anne, Our Blessed Mother, and the Holy Spirit, who all gave me the courage to send a text asking if he wanted to grab coffee.
Tom and I ended up grabbing coffee a few days later- our first “yes” to each other happened to have been on the Feast of the Annunciation! I drove him in my black Jeep Renegade to a coffee shop near our school, and we ended the day driving back scream-singing to old Taylor Swift. I thought it was a good sign when he paid for my coffee and how our conversation flowed so naturally, but then he shared that on the first day of freshman year, his roommate told him we should date! Enter all of the butterflies.
After Tom and I grabbed coffee, we began to hang out very frequently and were always laughing. Everything felt so easy and I was so happy even just to be his friend. I continued to not put expectations on what we were, but was swept away by both this new friendship and the movement of the Holy Spirit. God was revealing His love and making all things new in the way I was able to be with Tom.
While I was nervous to admit that our friendship was heading towards dating, something too good to be true that I would end up with this amazing guy I’ve had a crush on since my freshman year, I also couldn’t ignore how Tom was pursuing me- and how refreshing that was. Instead of chasing after someone who wasn’t honest with their feelings, I never had to question anything with Tom.
The way Tom pursued me made me feel so comfortable being myself around him. It allowed me to realize we had a shared sense of humor, and the confidence to ask if he wanted to join me in the Chapel to pray before we would hang out. I never felt as though I had to prove myself to be worthy of him, which I sometimes felt with Reginald. The way I was rooting myself in my identity as a beloved daughter in my prayer life was something that Tom so easily affirmed.
After Tom and I first kissed, sitting on a couch watching “The Office,” it was then I learned he also had a crush on me since freshman year! It was honestly hilarious and I wish I could go back to see our reactions. I was absolutely smitten with this man, but also in utter shock that we had both liked each other for so long, but also found it so funny that we did not do anything about it until then!
That next night I remember sharing with Tom about not having much “experience” with physical intimacy. Unfortunately this was not me sharing to set a boundary, but rather me being almost embarrassed, thinking he would need to help me with this “inexperience.” However, Tom took away any embarrassment that I had and told me that my purity and innocence were very attractive. Are you kidding me?!
God, through Tom, helped me to realize that my purity was beautiful. That saving myself, or a lack of “physical inexperience” was a sacred gift, and to continue to stay chaste and pure is upholding my dignity. Tom even set a physical boundary himself and I think that was one of the most attractive things to this day he has ever done.
A few days later as I was praying in the Chapel, Tom came with a bouquet of flowers. He asked me to be his girlfriend there, in that same Chapel where our story began as two freshman Mass Coordinators. He later walked me to the spot he had intended to ask me out freshman year, but was too nervous. Or maybe it was the Holy Spirit. I tease Tom a lot (like, probably too much) about why he didn’t ask me out earlier, why we didn’t start dating our freshman year. I have to remember that God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and his ways are higher than our ways. I am so thankful for our story and would not have it any other way.
As Tom and I began to date, we both prayed with the following verse from Revelation 21:5:
“And the one who was seated on the throne said, ‘See, I am making all things new.’”
It’s amazing to see all the ways my relationship with Tom made new so many of the hurts and wounds from my relationship with Reginald. And our relationship was founded on a pure love of Jesus and for each other, rather than a blacked out confession of feelings.
Tom also shared with me that my purity was such a gift to him so as to be made new in his own purity. God was making all things new for him in our relationship through our commitment to chastity, but also sweet and innocent love. We were on each other’s team- something both of us hadn’t experienced in a relationship before.
As mentioned earlier, I said if Tom and I got married and had four kids and two dogs, Thy will be done! Now we are happily married, Tom is still my best friend, no kids yet but currently trying to convince him to get a dog, while he’s convincing me we should have seven kids.
God has continued to make all things new for us, from quesadillas in our George Foreman Quesadilla Maker becoming a new dinner staple to a new nightly prayer routine we have together. My relationship and marriage to Tom has revealed to me God as a caring and compassionate Father, Christ as a loving and devoted Bridegroom, and the Holy Spirit as our generous Advocate and Helper.
I am so thankful for St. Anne for leading me to send that text to Tom. I tell all my single gal pals to pray this novena. While it might not lead you to your husband on that ninth day, trust that St. Anne, as a faithful and loving grandmother, is intercessing on your behalf. It took Tom and I three and a half years to start dating! You’ll never know how St. Anne is working behind the scenes before you meet your future husband.
I continue to pray to St. Anne, to help me to be a good wife and still best friend to Tom. We will always be relying on the intercession of friends in Heaven and surrendering our relationship to God. And who knows, maybe the next time I pray the novena will be as an expecting mother!!
