"And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful." -Colossians 3:15
January, 2025– I just made a dentist appointment and feel more accomplished than ever. This is one task that has been on my to-do list for over a year. I am finally able to, what feels like, “start getting my life together” after the most non-stop year I’ve ever had. And as a gal who thrives on routine, this whirlwind of a year with many changes left my tank on empty. I often felt like a small child being dragged through these different changes. Don’t get me wrong, it was the most joyous year and I am beyond thankful for all it has brought. But this past December, right before the holidays began, I put my two weeks in for my Big 4 accounting position. I never thought being unemployed would have brought so much freedom and peace, but I can finally take that breath I’ve been desperately seeking, and I am so thankful.
2024 came with a lot of mixed emotions. In December 2023, I graduated from the University of Dayton with a Masters in Accounting, while also balancing a part-time job, finishing my CPA exams, and planning my wedding. I was already a bit burnt out after graduation, and as wonderful as the holidays are, I can’t say it was very restful. I moved to Chicago at the end of December to start my life with my then fiance, Tom, after a year and a half of long distance. The move was very bittersweet.
It was very heartbreaking saying goodbye to my parents- even when I would go back to college each semester I always seemed to cry on the way down, LOL! The move felt like a shift of a new “home base.” I was no longer a child living under my parent’s roof, and had a few extra hours between us. I am a very nostalgic person, and am very sentimental about where I grew up. It’s safe to say my Cleveland pride skyrocketed this past year, which, if you know me, is saying a lot. I was so happy to now be living 2 minutes away from Tom, but was navigating how to grieve leaving home.
Processing that all was very short-lived, as I began my work for Deloitte only a few days after the move. My training included a few days at Deloitte University in Dallas, Texas, followed by what is known in the accounting world as “busy season.” Weeks were 55-60 hours for nearly 3 months, which in hindsight was actually pretty mild compared to some of my peers. However, planning a wedding on top of that in Cleveland, while living in Chicago, made any time for rest very minimal. I struggled to also find quality time with Tom, which was difficult as we were preparing not just for the wedding day, but the sacrament of marriage.
Tom was so kind and supportive and wanted the season of engagement to be full of peace and the joyful anticipation of this sacred sacrament, yet I struggled to embrace it. I found myself frequently turning negative and it was difficult for me to get out of this victim mindset. I was then further frustrated that I could not get out of this headspace, as one thing I’ve often prided myself in is my gift for optimism, hope, and positivity. There were lots of tears from feeling so overwhelmed, and then more tears from the negativity and lack of hope I felt.
I kept telling myself I would be able to breathe at different points. It began with “just hold out until March” when my first busy season ended. But the free time only filled up with more wedding planning. “Just hold out until June.”
June 1, 2024 was absolutely the best day of my life. I felt the presence of Jesus more than I ever have before during that Mass and it was divine joy to begin my vocation as wife to my new husband Thomas Henry. We danced the night away and it was incredible to celebrate with so many family and friends. “Just hold out until June” though, quickly turned into July.
After a relaxing honeymoon relishing the sweetness of being a newlywed, and having so much fun with Tom continuing to drop “my HUSBAND” while flexing my ring as often as I could, I was thrown back into another busy season where I hardly saw Tom in the weeks that followed. I was in the office every day, morning to night, as well as Saturdays, which was really tough after just having gotten married. That last day of June when we filed, I came home and took a nap, a little breath above the water, then began to pack for moving into Tom’s parents home until our new apartment was ready to be moved into.
“Just hold out until July” turned into August when we moved and tried to organize and orient ourselves into this new apartment. It honestly was an adjustment to become a “homemaker” rather than decorating a college dorm with Spider-Man memes, pictures from the “Rocky” movies, or the amateur but semi-cute canvas paintings of Bible verses I had made. It was an adjustment for Tom and I to start living together on our own. While being an absolute blessing, finding a new routine was yet another area to navigate.
While it seemed as though I was finally getting my footing a bit with this new life and new home, work became unexpectedly busy again when the senior on my team had left the firm. Deloitte was unable to find someone new for our team, which left me having to take on much more responsibility without much training. It was a great learning opportunity, but already feeling burnt out, these weeks in this new role left me feeling even more drained. The fall months were thankfully not as busy as the summer had been outside of work, but the energy to continue to “get my life together,” to do things like change my last name, get my car checked, finish my CPA application, or schedule a dentist appointment, was dwindling.
During this entire year, with a constantly changing schedule from work hours and various clients, living in different places, sharing a schedule and life now with my husband, I found it very difficult to develop a faith routine. This made it hard for me to have Christ as my foundation during this entire year. This made it hard for me to live grounded in faith, in peace, and in joy.
While going to school at UD, I was able to have such a solid routine for prayer. My schedule was built around going to daily Mass, and I was able to go to Adoration nearly every day. I was able to both receive and sit with Jesus in the Eucharist. To both listen to His Word as well as abide with His Word, dwell in His Word, dance with His Word. I was able to hear the voice of Jesus as I continued to know His voice in the Word and Eucharist. My heart felt so on fire as I was frequently present to His Sacred Heart which burns of love for us. My relationship with Jesus was the source of all I did.
This past year, my relationship with Jesus lost that fire. I had gone to Confession a few months back and even confessed that I feel as though I love God less than I did in college. It made me really sad to feel this way, to confess that my love for my Lord and Savior who has poured out His love, laid down His life for me and given me everything, who has loved me with an everlasting and unconditional love, is not as strong as it used to be. I felt like I had failed Jesus which made it hard to bring myself back to this intimate relationship with Him that I had throughout college.
Sure, I still went to weekly Mass, prayed my Rosary, and went to Confession this past year. I knew I needed more of Jesus and I knew He was with me, but I struggled to give Him more of myself. But praise God for Sunday Mass, because that one hour on Sundays was my strength. I usually arrived feeling so guilty of not giving God enough of my week, but I felt His saving grace, mercy, and love wash over me with each encounter in the Eucharist. The Living Bread received each Sunday sustained me through these weeks when I felt so weighed down by the busyness of each season.
At the point of my last busy season in December, another few weeks of long nights away from my husband, and struggling to make time for prayer, I knew it was time to leave the firm and go a different direction. I was thankful for everyone I met and everything I learned at Deloitte, as being with the firm helped me grow as a professional and I made some great friends along the way. However, I was not strong enough to continue- the long hours made it hard to find time in silence and prayer, which I realized is something I need in my life.
I felt so weak without my foundation being in Jesus. I didn’t want my faith life to be something I kept reaching for, something I struggled to fit in. I didn’t want my vocation as wife to be on the backburner anymore. I didn’t want to keep waiting for when I would be able to recover from my burnout- with a job like this, there was really no end in sight.
This past year, my relationship with Jesus lost that fire. I had gone to Confession a few months back and even confessed that I feel as though I love God less than I did in college."
I put my two weeks in right before the holidays, and now am relishing in the peace of this decision. After the holidays, I was able to come back home to Cleveland for a week for an appointment and spend much needed quality time with my parents and siblings. Rather than the cycle of working out, working, getting ready for the next work day and work out, repeat, I was able to see family I haven’t seen in a while, play games with my parents, visit with my sister before she went back to school, and go to a Cavs game with my mom. I felt like I was able to be a person and not stuck in this busy cycle that had led me to burn out, that felt like it had no room to grow with Jesus.
I have no idea what my next step is, and as the Type A person I am, that would normally terrify me. All of 2024 I felt like I had something hanging over my head, taking away my peace- getting my invitations done, scheduling a make-up artist, organizing my apartment after the move, finishing thank you cards, and of course, finding a dentist! Now, I am able to one day at a time “get my life together.” To be led to restful waters by the Good Shepherd, to be still and allow Him to restore my soul instead of thinking I have to take charge.
One of the readings before the new year was from Colossians Chapter 3, with the verse “Let the peace of Christ control your hearts.” This meant not worrying that I did not have a future job lined up, not worrying what others had to say about my leaving Deloitte, not worrying about my long to-do list I still had. I wanted to enter the new year truly surrendering all of my anxieties and worries to Jesus, allowing Him to lead me, and trusting in His love- that because He loves me He has good plans for me, and He will guide me as my Shepherd, my friend, my Bridegroom, and all in His time.
As for my next plans, I think not having a plan is giving me more space to breathe, to discern what I truly want and listen to the voice of Jesus. I’ve wanted to share the Gospel, share my story, share the love of Jesus for as long as I can remember. Luckily, so had my best friend Katie! I will get into our story of friendship in another post, but to make a long story short Katie is the definition of sister in Christ. She is such a light and we’ve both longed for starting something together where we can talk about our Catholic faith, but in the context of everyday life- how our faith impacts our health and fitness, the clothes we wear, the books we read, and everything in between!
All that being said, welcome to The Well. I don’t know where this is going to lead, but I know it’s time after all of the years of dreaming about starting something that I have to plant the first mustard seed. And it’s not up to me to worry about where this will go or what it will do. I’m praying that Jesus will allow His peace to control my heart, and that He as the Sower will care for this mustard seed and allow it to grow for the glory of God.
Very calming, I enjoyed reading this. I think you should write a book with one of my favorite catholic authors Mathew Kelly. Looking forward to reading more. Good luck