Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but those who drink of the water that I will give them will never be thirsty. The water that I will give will become in them a spring of water gushing up to eternal life.” -John 4:14
I am very thankful to have entered this Lent unemployed. The past few liturgical seasons, I have felt rushed and busy and not able to be as engaged as I had wished. I’ve purchased the guided meditation books from Ave Maria Press, completing maybe 6 pages maximum in each, made Lenten promises I forgot about the next week, and have struggled to be fully present in the seasons.
This Lent, I entered a little over two months after having quit my job. I didn’t have to worry about the work I would be missing going to Ash Wednesday Mass during busy season, and was able to really think about and pray through my Lenten promises. Lent was pretty late this year beginning in March, but to be quite honest I’d been craving Lent since January (not trying to flex, just hear me out).
One of the biggest reasons why I left my big four job was because I was struggling to build my treasure in Heaven, and my spiritual life had become bone dry. I always felt like I had work hanging over my head with the ever busy hours, which made this job feel like my master. I knew how much I needed my Maker and Savior to become my true Master and my Foundation.
The next few weeks after leaving my job, I felt such a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I felt myself actually being able to think about my faith and the ways God was moving in my life. I felt like I was able to start, slowly, dancing with the Holy Spirit again as I had done in college. That being said, I was SO ready for Lent. I needed this “spiritual bootcamp” to continue to re-calibrate my faith life. I was in the desert of the world, feeling so parched of the living water of Jesus as my exhaustion from work led me to scrolling on my phone or other distractions to avoid God. I had felt this sense of guilt from how my faith had withered and the shame continued to separate me from my one true love.
In the desert of the world, I am constantly searching for my own water, but this water always leaves me thirsty. I am never satisfied with the water of the world. In the weeks of leaving my job, I longed to be in that desert with Jesus, a solitude where I could grow in my dependence on Him, rest in His arms, and understand more deeply His love for me.
So far, I have been very thankful for Lent. I feel as though Lent never goes exactly as you plan for- as many things do in life. Sure, I have the sense that I could be doing more, and it all has not gone perfectly, but I’m continually learning to rely on the strength of Jesus in the midst of my imperfection.
One thing during this Lent I’ve been very thankful for was fasting on Ash Wednesday. I struggled with an eating disorder during 2019 – 2021, and during those years I felt it would be best to not fast from food since I was already pretty good at it and trying to not be fasting (lol). However, this year I finally felt that I was in a healthy mindset about fasting, and I had healed enough where my fasting would be for the Lord, not for an eating disorder.
I didn’t eat my first meal until 1:30pm, having waited until after 12:00 pm Mass to eat anything. I was so excited to actually be fasting and found deep joy in entering the Mass truly starving. I was able to direct my hunger toward the Lord. It felt so sweet to receive the Eucharist as the only sustenance I had received for the day, knowing it was my Lord and Savior sustaining me both physically and spiritually. I was excited to discover how I would grow spiritually in another Lenten fast I committed to- a fast from that “sweet treat” at the end of the night.
This fast, however, has not brought so much joy. My thought was to take that craving for something sweet after a meal and turn it into finding my solace and sweetness in Jesus. It’s a lot easier to direct your hunger or cravings towards Jesus while at Mass versus scrolling on your phone. This has been something I’ve continued to struggle with during Lent, really ever since I’ve had a phone, and a weakness I need to surrender every single day. And I’ve even given up most social media for Lent, but the attachment to the phone remains- whether it be scrolling through my camera roll, checking my email, examining my Apple Watch stats, or even looking at the weather for the 17th time in one day.
I wish I could say that every night during Lent, when I crave a sweet treat, I instead turn to Scripture and let Jesus be my sweetness. But often, it’s me brushing my teeth to force myself to not eat anything after dinner and distracting myself rather than turning this longing to Jesus. I continue to sip of the water that still leaves me parched.
Thank God Jesus gave us 40+ days to be in the desert, though. I don’t know about you, but each Lent there’s always at least one promise I struggle to follow through on. And that’s not to say to give up on these promises, but I’m so thankful Lent is so long because it allows us to continually pick up our crosses and fully rely on Jesus- Every. Single. Day.
I find a lot of comfort in praying the Stations of the Cross, each cry of our Lord, each wound and drop of blood as an outpouring of His unconditional love for us. When in these mid-Lenten days, having wandered in the desert and feeling the discomfort but Easter still being a few weeks away, I need the Holy Spirit to bring me to the stations where Jesus falls.
Jesus is weary and worn, carrying both the weight of the cross on His bloodied back and the weight of our sins, and is physically crushed to the ground three times. Yet He picks up His cross and invites us to do the same. Jesus picks up His cross because He never gives up on us. In Lent, through the times we fall, Jesus lovingly invites us and helps us to pick back up our cross, continuing on as He knows the cross leads to the Resurrection, a Resurrection He thirsts for us all to be a part of.
I'm so thankful Lent is so long because it allows us to continually pick up our crosses and fully rely on Jesus- Every. Single. Day."
I think I have a few ways we can recommit ourselves this Lent through Easter. For starters, we can rely on the grace of the Sacraments. Entering Mass fully present, engaging with the Scriptures, and surrendering everything to Jesus in the Eucharist will be the living bread for the journey we need to continue.
Going to confession is another great practice to continue on through Lent. Returning to Jesus with our whole hearts is really what Lent is all about. What better way to repent from sin and return to the Gospel than going to Confession! There we will be met with the Divine Mercy and love of our Lord. Here we can rest, here we can find our peace. From His Divine Mercy, we are saved, healed, and restored by His sacrifice and blood, and refreshed, cleansed, purified, by His Living water.
I also think it’s never too late to start a new practice in the middle of Lent. I’ve realized in my continued struggle to detach from my phone, no matter how many apps I delete, I need to take 5 minutes of silence each day, asking for the strength to detach and reattach myself to God. I notice I go on auto-pilot when I’m too attached to the screens. The Holy Spirit has led me to the need I have of silence- to center myself in the love of God, and not just talking at Him, but just listening and letting Him love me, and feeling His presence right where I’m at.
Maybe none of your Lenten promises didn’t really work out and you don’t really know what direction to go (because let’s be honest, we’ve all been there!). I think in this instance, I’d recommend just resting with Jesus in Adoration. Oftentimes we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have a “perfect Lent,” but the beauty of Lent and the ways we grow are in the imperfection. It doesn’t matter how long, or how fruitful you thought your prayer was, just start showing up. There’s no pressure when it comes to sitting at the feet of Jesus in the Most Blessed Sacrament, and all He really wants is your heart.
The Well was started out of a pursuit to share that our true thirst is for Jesus and Jesus thirsts for us. Lent is a wonderful time to recommit to this truth, no matter how many times we fall. Jesus picks us back up and always welcomes our return in loving arms. Like the sheep that left the 99, like the prodigal son who left his family, we are prone to wander and leave our inheritance, but our God is prone to chase and bring us home. Upon our return He will run to us, embrace us, kiss us, carry us on His shoulders and celebrate with a feast. Let’s keep on the journey, drinking of the living water to restore our strength, and holding out the hope all of our crosses will lead to a Resurrection.
Come back to me with all your heart. Don’t let fear keep us apart. Trees do bend, though straight and tall; so must we to others’ call. Long have I waited for your coming home to me and living deeply our new life.
The wilderness will lead you to your heart where I will speak. Integrity and justice with tenderness you shall know. Long have I waited for your coming home to me and living deeply our new life.
You shall sleep secure with peace; faithfulness will be your joy. Long have I waited for your coming home to me and living deeply our new life.